If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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