My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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