allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
