He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
