Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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