I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she peed on how many people?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
