I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
