he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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