If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
