I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
