Moan for me like Helen Keller
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
