She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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