I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
