Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
