This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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