At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
