How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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