I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize