porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
