Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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