I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
