first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
