You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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