I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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