Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
