This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
