I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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