He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
