Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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