This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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