Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
