Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
