walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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