I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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