i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
