it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
