East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I lost the right to judge tonight
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize