When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize