there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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