i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
