remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
