He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
