I hate all girls vehemently.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
