Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
