i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
