And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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