I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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