I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
