I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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