I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
