TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
