I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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