I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i think i just naturally attract stoners
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize