He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
