I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
