I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
