wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
