He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
