Whatcha textin bout Willis?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
