This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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