either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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