I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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