I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
