Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
there is puke in my bra ... again
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