you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
