Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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