I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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