And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
