In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
