i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
