I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
