Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
why is half of my head shaved?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize