If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
